To Remember and To Forget: The Missed Call

I had left my cell phone in the next room and had not heard it ring. The red phone icon at the top told me that there was a message from a number I did not recognize.

There was a message in my voice mail that was loosely translated as the following:

“Dude! Where the hell have you been? Are you alive? I can’t find you on Facebook and it has been over a year that I don’t know what’s going on in your life. Call me. Let me know what’s going on. It’s Sunday and I’m at home. I am very worried about you.”

This, readers, is from an ex. And this is from an ex that exited my life in a way that devastated me. Who for six months ignored me and pretended he did not see me, even when I was only feet away. Who never introduced me as his girlfriend. Who, years later, as friends, offered me a job which he said would be a “blast”, consisting of working 12-hour days in the blazing sun, collecting money for a water slide.

He can’t find me on Facebook because I’ve blocked him.

That was how I closed the door to him when he offered me that job.

I stood there, phone in hand, forgetting momentarily about the lasagna I had in the oven.

It jarred me. He talked as if nothing had happened and his worry was scarcely believable after one year.

There are things that are important in life to hold on to: the happiness I felt when I got accepted into the school of my choice, the hugs I’ve received when crossing the 70.3 finish line, the elation on placing higher than I thought in a fencing tournament, the smiles of my friends’ kids when I look at them, the friendships that have endured and those that are barely being born.

I looked at all those things and the warmth they filled me with. I felt at home. In the distance, there were flickers of happiness with that man. But they were not bright enough to shine for long. And he will never offer me another light for my sky of stars.

He does not need me. I will never need him.

And with that, I erased the message he had left.

Circumstance does not make the man, it reveals him to himself.  –James Allen

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