It is the last day of the year and I’ve grown rather pensive, contemplating all the things that have happened this past year and all the things I’ve promised myself I would do. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because for me, they go by a different name: stepping-stones. I have never, in all my years of life, believed that a dream is too big and I have had the good fortune to live circumstances to put that belief to the test.
I think about my return and about the culture of my birth. I think of the girl who came to Mexico and woman who will be leaving. I think of all the vapid and silly desires of my youth and how much they’ve become scaled down to the very bare essentials. I think of all those people who still have not forgotten me though I have not been in their midst for all this time. And for all the sadness that may have ever entered my life and for all the crushed feelings that bear the weight of forsaken wretchedness I could endure, I know that deep down, there is an image of me that exists in someone else’s memory. An image of me that will not die. And an image that will be a true beacon to bring me back out of the darkness.
Waxing lyrical about life with my intent at poetics is not my weapon of choice but as I have said, I have been pensive. Now more than ever, I appreciate my friends and family. Those who have believed in me and have never used the word “crazy” to describe me. I smile upon the re-encounters with old friends and marvel at this brilliant thing called “friendship.” I have been fed when I was hungry. Given a hand when I was in need. And there is not one who did it knowing I was wanting. They did it because they wanted to.
I want to embrace those new friends I have made and those old ones who know how to make me laugh. I want to dedicate the scent of a flower to every single past love who has ever thought highly enough of me to remember me and who has ever secretly held me in regard.
I wish to pour a handful of star dust on that turquoise sea of my dreams and fly to meet Destiny, whose hand I shall hold with much love.
As I cross over to a new year, I know that I leave something behind. But I know not what it is because I have now forgotten. The Past shall remain where it always has while the Present walks alongside to meet the Future. And as we walk, my Dreams take their places next to us, walking arm in arm, and only have one thing to say to me:
Fuck New Year’s Resolutions.