Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire: The Online Dater

I believe there is something romantic about finding love in the most unexpected of places. There is something solidly real about walking along, stopping to tie your shoe, standing up and turning … to bump into the love of your life. Serendipity makes me believe those things to be absolutely true. Granted, it does happen in other ways: at work, at the pool, in line waiting for a coffee.

And then, there is online dating.

If it had not been for a friend who had met her husband-to-be online, I would have never considered it. So I registered.

My experience, to say the least, was filled with a motley mix of everything from the divorce lawyer who reconstructed his business at 50 and after dealing with unhappy couples, couldn’t understand why he was so unhappy to the guy who lived in a tent on the lawn of his ex-girlfriend’s house. There were those who did not know how to read as the range ran from 19 years of age to 55, even though I had specifically marked 30-45 (and even then, 30 is too young for me). As a social experience, it has been eye-opening. And I found out soon enough how much so.

As a freelancer, I look at a lot of listings for job offers. It was then that I noticed that a number of men were posting jobs for people to either write their dating profile or manage it.

Now, I am a firm believer in studying the manner a person writes to see their personality quirks. You can tell a lot about a person by how they write, namely how they think. So it pisses me off that there are these guys who have others write their profiles for them.

“But people do that all the time with CVs!” a friend said. True but there is a structure there that is to help the employer better understand and determine how to use your skill set for a job. Unless you were dyslexic, having someone else write your dating profile for something as personal as a possible future spouse is like wearing a borrowed, ill-fitting Armani suit to the first date.

And then, I saw this posting:

Dating Profile Manager Listing: No wonder he's single.

Dating Profile Manager Listing: No wonder he’s single.

What got my goat was “I would do it but I’m too busy.” It may also translate to “I am a huge nobhead and if I can pencil you in, great! If not, you’ll be wishing I had!” I can imagine him winking with an inappropriate smugness.

What I hate more than arrogance is a liar. A person who has no time to do the dating legwork has absolutely no time for a relationship and sending someone else to do it is deceitful.

Anyone who has read my blog knows that I am for the human experience and interacting with the person in front of you instead of the high res person on your phone. You may, then, find this method a bit out of character for me.


The experience of creating a relationship online is an interesting one. Creating a connection with someone whose voice you have never even heard, whose laughs have never been shared and whose walk you don’t even know is trying for me. I think of all those things that I love in meeting a person (the way they sip their coffee, the brightness of their eyes, the cadence of their speech) are things I can never know from an email. All this leaves me with the sensation that had I actually been in a room with the majority of these men, I probably would never have looked twice.

And they probably wouldn’t have either.

So as this road winds through cities and towns I have never even heard of, I have decided that this is one bandwagon I shall be getting off of. Hop off the side and do what I’ve always done: walk the rest of the way home.


Leave Fumi a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s