Pick Up Lines: On the Bus (Part 1)

People give off vibes. I get that. I was dating a nuclear chemist who told me that we all have chemical reactions to one another, which is why some draw us closer to them than others.

I just recently have become more sensitive to smell. I can smell people and their breaths. And I can tell just by that how the relationship will be between us. If I’ll get together with this person or if it is a strictly friendship-based affair.

So on my morning commute on the bus, you can imagine my surprise when a kid I’ve seen around (and who works at a local sporting goods store) comes up to me at the bus stop and asks me if I am one of those models who promote a brand at events.

I caught a faint whiff of him. Oh back up, sweetheart. You ain’t getting anywhere near me.

But with said pick up line, the kid goes into a QA session (he couldn’t have been more than 25 in age but had the attitude of a 6-year old), which lasted throughout the bus ride until his stop. His chatter was incessant and he sat right next to me on the bus. Where do you live? What street? Where do you work? What sports do you do? What’s your email? What’s your cell phone number? Do you like coffee? Can we go out? How old are you?

I gave the vaguest answers I could. I gave an erroneous email. I told him I had just lost my cell phone and didn’t know my number even though I had my phone in my purse. I work out and train so have no time for coffee or going out. I even gave him a false age and rounded up.

“You’re 40? Really? You don’t look it,” and he continued his barrage of questions.

“You know, you seem to be very trustworthy,” he said.


Our conversation was one big fat lie and it made me think he can hardly be called a good judge of character.

He proceeded until he got off the bus at the local mall.


After three weeks in the Gulag with this interrogation, I realized those were the longest 15 minutes of my life.


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