It was my birthday and I decided that I wanted to go see a movie. In 4DX.
The movie that was on was “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. One of my favorite directors, Timur Bekmambetov, and I always wanted my first 4DX experience to be a good movie so I was pumped to see this.
At today’s exchange rate, a ticket to one of these theaters is about $12.49 USD. It’s not cheap but I swear, it was the best time I’ve had at the movies in a long time.
Yuri and I had bought bottled water and popcorn. We donned our 3D glasses. We were so ready.
The opening shot of the movie was a slow pan over the lawn area of the Washington Monument. A soft breeze blew, courtesy of the fans near the lighting fixtures. Then there was a slow tilt forward as we literally flew into the past.
Little Abe was present to an injustice that befell his friend, Will. Despite his father’s warning, Abe picks up an ax and tries to attack Jack Bart, who is actually a vampire and who was trying to beat his friend.
Bart takes a whip to Will and Abe.
What we didn’t know is that all the fights in this movie were coordinated so that the chairs moved and shook. And as blows fell and broke the wooden planks, popcorn flew into the air. A startled Yuri had been caught so off guard that she upended her box and had to eat popcorn out of her seat for the rest of the movie.
An older threesome of 40-somethings trying to look like 20-somethings (clothing a tad too tight, evidencing love handles as well as four-inch stack platforms and Daisy Dukes) wandered into the theater 15 minutes late. There was no action going on and they had not even gotten into their seats when one of the high-heeled ladies tripped and basically threw her box of popcorn on the floor.
It was another 15 minutes before they would shut up, between guffaws and gossip.
What I do recommend is to not eat just popcorn and water during the movie. There was a point when I felt a little queasy with all the light swaying.
When the movie ended, I looked at Yuri, who had not the foresight to wear a hat. She looked as if she had been dragged through a bush backwards.
The threesome were blocking our departure. Apparently, they wanted to take photos of themselves with the monumental mess they made, taking photos as if they were in the club, holding their cell phones above them so that they could get the popcorn on the floor as well as look thinner with a practiced duckface.
Absolutely one of the most memorable birthdays I’ve had in a long time.