I’ve lost my mojo.
After 4 years of doing triathlons, I feel tired. Tired of training. Of getting fucked up sunburns. Of farmer tans. Of just hours and hours of roads that go for miles and miles when you know that you’re only just started your session.
I’m fucking tired of having to watch when the sun is out and not leaving at noon to train because if I do, I will collapse of heat stroke and dehydration.
I want to sleep when it’s nighttime, not train.
But I’m also not right in the head. I know this. I went to an orthopedic surgeon who told me once, “You will have to do exercise for the rest of your life.” As if it were punishment.
And I know I can’t leave triathlons.
I know I can’t leave this because I don’t like leaving something halfway through.
So what are my reasons for staying?
1. It’s a strange, sado-masochistic sensation when you can say “I’ve got to do 4000 meters swimming in an hour and my warm up is 1000 meters long.”
2. I’ve just lost 35 lbs last year. I won’t accept that the extra weight off isn’t helping me. And I can’t stop till I see that it does.
3. I want to keep my bikini body as bikini-savvy for as long as humanly possible. I like my haute couture and dropping from a size 12 to a size 6 means I need to do some shopping. And I have no intention of going back to getting bigger clothes.
4. Running doesn’t fucking feel good. But I can’t stop until I’ve actually tried a pair of Vibram FiveFingers in competition.
5. There are some damn fine triathlon menfolk. And endurance athletes don’t fall asleep straight after the first round of sex.
They may be banal reasons but I’m on my last string and I’m hold on for dear life.
I’ll let you know how that goes.